TILT

Just a little one for now: Going to the Science Center and learning about the sun; playing badminton; meditation with L and N; making lots of fun new friends through grad school; Thai food; being a brunette; FOOD PROCESSOR!!! So excited to try this! Amy Dixon; Speechless; funny Youtube vids; feelings of accomplishment.

Love this quote

"Lady Fucking Gaga. Lady Gaga is viscous hungry sex in hellfire. She’s more theatrical than Broadway and every night she sings in romantic open fists. Lady Gaga opens her dress, extracts her gut, assembles it in shapes splashed in sinister glitter and then shatters her dangerous violent diamonds onto the piano and screams FIRE and it sounds like bad romance. She wants your ugly, she wants your disease...Punks don’t win awards, they eat awards."

-article [Disclaimer: I'm impartial to Taylor Swift either way.]

Things I Love Thrusday

Lady Gaga, she is crazy-awesome and wears whatever the f she wants. I love how bold she is; Nickosaurus, visits me even if it's only for a moment; getting s done, still a lot to go but it's getting there! Having too many potential fun things to do, blessed to have friends who keep in touch; feeling more confident, even in new unexpected situations; being able to breathe again, cold is finally gone!!! Getting a new haircut, it's going to be rad; putting the iPod on shuffle and making a reproduction of the Globe Theater, marker stained hands; Amy Dixon and exercise; my parents for being so everything; making raw treats with Lou; good music to keep me motivated!

Inch by inch

As I sit here enjoying a raw chocolate ganache "cake" my sister and I made last night, I am thinking about time and the speed at which things occur. For the past month, I've put more effort than in past months into my diet and exercise (cake notwithstanding)and my commitment is slowly but surely paying off.

Growing up I never saw much merit in exercise; it was a great idea and something I knew I needed more of, but it seemed to my limited experience, that what little exercise I did had little of an effect on my body. Like so many people, I wanted results NOW! My early morning sessions with Billy Blanks were fun but I didn't see any meaningful change in my body. So eventually I quit.

Fast forward to now and I realize that (in addition to diet and exercise going hand in hand) I need to change my thinking. Instead of thinking in broad brush strokes "why am I not a size smaller yet?" I need to think in terms of small celebrations of success. Yes, my boyfriend is getting fit at a faster rate then I am and yes, I wimped out this weekend and super processed carbs, but this morning while doing my weights, I saw the curve of a tricep I didn't know I had. And yesterday while shoveling, I noticed it didn't exert me nearly as much as it used to. All the small changes I am making in my life will eventually manifest in one big, observable change, just as tiny grains of sand falling through an hourglass add up.

And this applies to all aspects of my life, not just my body. I am finding that doing my graduate work in little chunks eases the pressure of doing it all at once. More and more I am overwhelmed by my "to do" lists. At the outset of this school break I had pie-the-sky ambition. "I will get all this work done at once and then I won't have any left for the rest of the week," thought I. However, this only lead to frustration and thoughts of "I don't want to do this right now." Instead, I did whatever came easiest first; instead of writing final drafts, I wrote down whatever came to mind for my writing assignments. Then I played. Today I came back and edited that work I started. The process is a lot less stressful when taken in small doses. I feel accomplished without feeling strained and more importantly I feel like I've gotten to take advantage of my free time and do things that satisfy my "bliss".

One thing I love.

the little by pandabot on Polyvore.com

The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery

After years of wanting to read it, I finally received this story as a Christmas gift a few years ago and fell in love with it.

Some of my favorite passages come from the Fox:

"For me you're only a little boy just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. For you I'm only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we'll need each other. You'll be the only boy in the world for me. I'll be the only fox in the world for you..."

"...if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I'll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps will send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? I don't eat bread. For me wheat is of no use whatever. Wheat fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. SO it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat..."

To me, it speaks volumes about what falling in love is like.

Menu

I've been thinking a lot lately and came to the conclusion that I want to live more authentically. What I mean by that is following those little impulses that bubble up from the depths of my subconscious. In general, my first reaction is the one that is most "true to myself".

I was telling N the other day about the dinner I'd gone out to with my friends. Looking at the menu, my first instinct was to want to order the tastiest (also, unhealthy and expensive) option I saw. I wanted some sort of ice cream treat and french onion soup. Instead, I ordered onion rings because they were the cheapest appetizer and I (foolishly) thought, somewhat healthy (onions are a vegetable, right?). I flip-flopped back and forth about what I really wanted, creating all sorts of mind stress. When I got the rings, they left a lot to be desired; certainly not the worst fare I'd ever had but not what I really wanted. As I told my story, N looked at me and said, "You always do this. Why not order what you want and be happy?"

And I had a sort of epiphany. It was true, at restaurants and in life, I often let money and practicality dictate my decision. (For example, I'd gone to a local college because it was more cost effective than any of the schools I would have liked to go to. That's an oversimplification, but still an example.) And although I never end up miserable, I don't usually follow that true voice of my first instinct and I end up wondering what it would have been like if I went with my gut.

Now, I'm not advocating for example, spending money I don't have or eating whatever I want (I'd end up broke and fat and really sometimes all I want is an inexpensive salad). What I am advocating is giving that small inner voice more outward expression. This could be a huge revolutionary thing if it ran wild. I might do something crazy like quit grad school and get my pastry arts certificate. But in the spirit of following my bliss, I am going to make an effort to treat life a menu from which I order what I really want.

Dedication

This blog is dedicated to the lovers, the dreamers and me.
This is my list poem to the world of all things joyful and sweet and inspiring.
A place to slow down and reflect. A place to be authentic.
Enjoy.